The following are two journal entries straight from the heart of C.Estrella. The battle between reason and emotion captured here portends a great trial on the horizon, one of Estrella’s making.
This is my chance. I have been given a gift that I can use to help people and all I have done for the part while is help people. What about me? What about what I want and what I need? I’ve been hurt by people and I think that maybe the reason I have been hurt was so that I could help these others.
My pain helped me to really dive deep and connect. But I get the feeling that this is a circle that is meant to be closed.
I was meant to suffer that pain. I was meant to have this gift. and I was meant to have that gift to make those who hurt me and so many others like me pay.
There is nothing wrong with retribution, as long as it’s coming from someone righteous. Haven’t I proven myself to be on the right?
I got a little out of hand last time. I really let my emotions get the better of me and I know that feelings aren’t something that should be dismissed out of hand. But I also know that when your gut tells you something you should at least listen and think about it before you make any decisions. Sometimes listening to my gut has saved me and sometimes it has helped me to be cautious of the right people at the right time. I trust my intuition and I trust myself to do what is right. So, I decided to do some research. I found all my old notes and information to log back into the server and I searched and I searched and I found a good lead on a few of the head Gatekeepers. it looks like most of them are all doing something totally unrelated to anything creative. I guess we oh have broken dreams and failures that will live with us for a long time. I wonder if things would be different now.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do until now, but I think the best thing to do, would be to reach out to some of them and see if they have changed. It might be nostalgic to talk about those days.
10 minutes. 370 words.